I just needed to get something off my chest, and since i'm too lazy to make a RL blog, you're all stuck with the following. If you don't feel like reading, fine..it's your right.
I’ve lived my life in avoidance. Whenever something bothers me, really bothers me, I push it aside and attempt to focus on the positive. Or I transfer it onto something superficial that I don’t really give a rats ass about. My life has never been easy or pretty, although the more impacting things happened in my early adult years. An abusive relationship, a really bad night I wish I could forget, another really really bad night that I will never be able to forget no matter how much I drink, and other various ‘growing pains’ that no one should ever have to go through; I’ve learned to cope, hide my emotions, pretend it doesn’t matter. Because, if I give into that constant scream thats deep in my chest, I'll never be able to stop screaming. I play the role of the party-girl, and no one ever has to know.
I don’t think I can live my life like that anymore. My sister is joining the United States Air Force, and the closer we get to the date that she leaves for basic, the more depressed I become. I think tonight has been the worst day so far. I spoke with her for a little while tonight and all I could think is..the little girl that I changed diapers for, kissed boo-boos, intimidated any kid who made fun of her, protected from our father when he was on a rampage, taught to drive, bought her her first pack of smokes (she threw up and hasnt smoked since), and helped pick up the pieces when her heart got broken the first time, is gone. In her place is this confident woman that I helped form. I knew she couldn’t remain a child forever, but it’s shocking to realize that, even though I still see that little girl with coke bottle glasses when I look at her, I'm seeing her with the tinted glasses that all older siblings have when it comes to the younger ones. She’s all grown up and has chosen a profession that will take her away from me. She’s not that girl anymore, and hasn’t been for a long time.
It suddenly hit me tonight that, for the first time ever, we’re going to be more than a phone call away from each other. I won’t be able to just text her to see how her day is going, or call when I just want to say hi. I’ve really taken her for granted in the last (almost) 20 years. I know this is something that she really wants, but I can’t help feeling that it’s not fair. Through everything, all of the things mentioned at the beginning of this post, Tiffany has been a constant source of comfort and strength. If I were honest with myself, I would admit that she helped me more than I helped her..But I'm sure she'd disagree.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Oh hai der! So in the last couple weeks, I think I've spent way more than any sane woman should in SL. I needed some major shop-therapy, so instead of running around town IRL and stressing, I decided to make my therapy virtual. I really should get a SL job or uhh..get to working on some poses to sell or something; because I need to have enough L$ to support my need to stimulate the SL economy allll by my self!
I finally broke down and bought myself a skin from LAQ. I will say, it is worth every damn L I spent; I looove my face with this skin. I was going to get Claudia2, but instead decided Tess2 looked much better with my shape. I'm not one for shape tweaking to wear certain skins. If i can't wear it and be cute instantly, I won't bother buying it. Just an FYI for skin makers; pleaase make lips like these. (note: i'm not telling you to rip them and slap em on your skin, but seriously make more pouty lips!!).
I also picked up Lamb!'s latest release, Cinnamon. It comes with an alphalayer for your head, which removes your ears and whatnot, so you dont have to wear a 'small ear' shape. I chose darker colors for the autumn/winter season. For some reason, darker hair just looks better during this time of year.
My last large-ish purchase for the month was CoCo's Engineer boots. While I was trying to come up with an outfit that went with the boots, i found that it's actually a pretty versatile pair of shoes. I stomped around naked for a while (in the privacy of my skybox, obviously) and looked fashionable.
Meanwhile, I've decided Pig is going to be my go-to store for cute tops. I got a super cute cardigan in a recent hunt, and ran back the other day to grab the nahmy cardi above, as well as the knee-sock fatpack.
So all in all - I think I did pretty good this month!
Have a fantastical rest of the week!
Credits of stuff not mentioned above:
Jeans: Poison - Original Jeans, Black/torn
Piercing - iPoke - Seppy
Ears - Panda Express - Sad elf ears - thorned
Tattoo - GrungeInk - Ivy Tattoo
Tatto Layer - L.Fauna Beautymark - Cindi
Eyes - Esuga Realistic Eyes - Autumn
Poses - Criore and Still Life
Sorry for the lack of linkage, while I was posting; my region went down and I can't log back into sl!
Posted by Shamrawk/Nicole at 7:20 PM